Some Thoughts on Perspective
With this being the season of college auditions, summer festivals, graduation, graduate school, recitals, job searches and any other number of things, I’ve been spending some time reflecting on all the feelings that go alongside those things and wanted to share a few of my thoughts — mostly as a reminder for myself, but if anyone can relate and find some solace here, I’m happy. :)
Like many folks in academia/music, we’re nearing spring break, tired, a bit frazzled and maybe a bit excited for all the neat things that have happened thus far and a bit bummed for others. Currently, I have at least four tabs open in my browser, three Word docs, a Finale file, Spotify, the New York Times, and two separate email programs. As I practice, I can hear notifications arrive and see the guilt-inducing eyes of my pets begging for attention. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m anxious, a swirling of nervous and excited energy for all the opportunities that abound.
Also like many folks, I find this time of year to be tremendously exciting. I love celebrating successes! As a (relative) newbie to social media, it’s inspiring to see so many students celebrating not only themselves, but their peers. On the flip side, I know a lot of us are also dealing with rejection: losing that audition, not getting into that school or summer festival, not getting that gig. Music is full of highs and lows and that, combined with the general fatigue of this time year can lead to what I have dubbed “the sigh”: that long, slow exhale of air that comes whenever I ask people how they’re doing right about now. It’s a combination of passion, enthusiasm, and also…tired.
I was talking to a student yesterday about life in general, successes and failures, perspective and next steps and it inspired some of my own self-reflection. In my musical career, I’ve faced quite a bit of rejection: summer festivals, graduate schools, teaching jobs, auditions, etc. I’ve also been quite successful with those same teaching jobs, graduate school auditions, summer festivals, etc. But for me, there was a moment towards the end of my Master’s degree where I wasn’t sure I’d continue on in music. I felt burnt out constantly preparing for auditions and, quite frankly, facing a lot of rejection.
Once I started my doctoral degree, there was a powerful moment in which things changed for me. Whereas I had constantly been practicing for “the next thing” — cramming in excerpts and solos like my life depended on it — I made the conscious decision to reevaluate how I practiced and approached the instrument. Whereas I felt burnout from constantly “moving the goal post” (each individual audition/competition/etc.), I made the decision to practice everyday with the goal of becoming the best tubist and musician possible. I used repertoire — fundamentals, excerpts, solos, études, etc. — as a vehicle for building and shaping my abilities on the instrument and becoming the best musician I could be and that goal post never moved. Music became an exploration, rather than an obligation and — for the first time in awhile — felt exciting and invigorating.
Almost instantly, I saw success with those same auditions, festivals, competitions, etc. Auditions became opportunities, rather than obligations. It was — and still is — an exciting lesson to me about the power of perspective. How we choose to approach something can have a huge impact on the outcome.
So I’m largely writing this blog today because I think I am in need of that reminder, and perhaps some others may benefit, too. In moments like these, it’s easy to lose perspective when there are so many things to be done. My feelings towards success, failure and progress have been on my mind a lot this year for both myself and my students and I think anyone who cares deeply for their art and their students can probably relate. For myself, I’m taking these few moments to step back, reflect and recommit to this perspective. It doesn’t make my to-do list any shorter, but it does add some meaning, inspiration and humility to my day.
Happy Wednesday, all. :)